My Story:

As I think about what I want for my future, I think about something I never had as a child and that is stability and structure. I did experience it as an adult, but it has always been temporary therefore, stability and structure is definitely something I want and need for my future.

When I first experienced stability and structure, I was 22 years old and decided to marry someone I was not in-love with only because he was stabled and structured. I knew that if I married him, I would marry the stability and structure I never had. I wanted it so badly, I thought I didn’t have anything to lose, so I went for it. The relationship lasted 11 1/2 years. The marriage only lasted 1 1/2 years. I thought that by staying in the relationship I may fall in love and have my happy ever after life but I was wrong. I then thought that maybe having a child that feeling would change but again I was wrong. I eventually filed for divorced and moved into an apartment where I lived for 3 years on my own. I found a good job and decided to start a cleaning business on the side to get by. I was doing very well for myself and began to feel like I finally gained my independency. Well, I eventually found someone who I started dating. I fell in love and moved this individual into my home. Things were going well until he became verbally, mentally, and physically abusive. Here’s the thing, Although I had gained my independency, I had never worked on my self worth. I stayed in the relationship knowing it was not healthy hoping and praying that things would change. I even began going to church hoping that by God would work a miracle. After a huge argument, I went to work and when I returned home, His things were gone without any warning. I was devastated. I wanted to be with him although things weren’t going well. After a conversation, He told me that if I wanted to work things out, I had to move in with him. Well, I did. We were now in a small 1 bedroom apartment where we had no room for our children. Our children had to sleep on the floor. At that moment I realized I had made a very irrational decision that was based off of desperation. I had been manipulated. I became very depressed because my children no longer had bedrooms and because of that, they were uncomfortable living at the home and it was all my fault. I had lost what I spent so hard working for. I made a decision to gain back my strength and dignity and this time gave him an ultimatum. We either move into a bigger home together or I would move without him and he can stay in his 1 bedroom apartment. Well, we ended up moving together into a bigger home where we were able to accommodate our children. We then started a business together. Our business flourished and we were becoming successful. After 4 1/2 years in the new house and 3 years in business, we were finally able to move in to our forever dream home. It was the best day of my life and I felt that for the first time in my life, all my dreams were coming true. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t last because although we were doing great financially, my marriage was deteriorating. The abuse continued and I had enough. After only 6 months in the new home, we divorced. I was back to square one. I had to move out, my children no longer had their comfy bedrooms, I lost a lot of money financially, and had to start all over again. Thankfully, I didn’t lose the business entirely and my ex husband and I divided the business. He received his share and I received mine However, I had lost everything else. I became very depressed and lost my motivation. I began questioning myself and if I wanted to continue to go after my dreams. It seemed like every time I accomplished a goal, I would lose what I worked hard for. Quite frankly, I was tired of starting over. I was tired of making bad choices. I was tired of being strong and pretending that everything was ok when things were not. Everything seemed to be crumbling around me. After some self reflecting, I came to the realization that I had created a pattern. I have to be honest, It was a hard pill to swallow. The realization was that every time I do good on my own, I get in involved in a toxic relationship and when it doesn’t work out, I have to start over.

Having to humble myself and acknowledge my wrongs wasn’t easy however, I realized that I would continue to make the same mistakes If I didn’t. I had to stop throwing pity parties and really do something about my situation. Thankfully I didn’t give up on my dreams and today I am proud to say that my business is still thriving and i’m in the process of persuing my dreams. One day I will have my home, I will be financially stable, and I will proudly say, I did it again.

If you are in this situation or went through something similar, please leave a comment below. I would love to hear from you.

Thank you for reading!